Writing Portfolio

1. What piece of writing did you like best in my portfolio and why? I really liked the roots and recipe project because it was an awesome opportunity to present things about culture.Also it gave me an opportunity to show our favorite food about our culture.
2. What did you like about my portfolio and sharing and what would you like to see me improve on? I feel that my photos brought alot of visual things to my presentation.I would like to improve on the ideas the most because it would keep the reader into my essay better.
3. Which of the writing traits (ideas, organization, voice, word choice) do you feel was most successful for me? The trait that was most successful to me was the word choice because coming up with sensory details is hard but when you get the right one your essay would be veery good.
4. Which of the traits of writing would you like me to improve on in the coming semester? The trait I would most like to improve on is the ideas trait because it helps attract the reader more and to explain good details for them.

OR Card for 2nd quarter

I think I deserve a 4. I really put alot of emphasis on the main conflict and the resolution. Also it is a really good example of how I can put photoshop into my project. Also I can get a quote relevant to the book.

Writing Portfolio Parent

What piece of writing did you like best in my portfolio and why?   The piece of writing that I liked best in your portfolio would be that of your descriptions of the events that was referenced within the examples.  It seems to have reflected in writing what you were feeling; under normal circumstances these are not usually shown in your everyday interaction.

What did you like about my portfolio and sharing and what would you like to see me improve on?  The part of your portfolio that I liked was your presentation on the various slides and your ability to take the time to prepare each slide and reflect your thoughts.  I would like to see that you avoid waiting and putting things off until the deadline date.  There may be unforeseen circumstances that come along that will prevent last minute submissions of your work and to avoid this, taking the time to prepare ahead of time will help out in these circumstances.

Which of the writing traits (ideas, organization, voice, word choice) do you feel was most successful for me?  I believe that the voice would be the most successful for you.
 
Which of the traits of writing would you like me to improve on in the coming semester?  I would like to see you improve on taking your time when preparing and completing your assignments.  Choosing words carefully when preparing writing assignments will help you to expand your vocabulary.

KC3 Draft

            There are several things that happened when the missionaries came to Hawaii. They brought a new government which they had invented for the annexation for Hawaii. The new government now reflects onto present days issues such as the Akaka Bill.
            So what exactly is the Akaka Bill? Well it's a Bill that proposes to establish a process for indigenous Native Hawaiians to gain federal recognition similar to an Indian tribe. What does this mean? It means that it's a process in which the Native Hawaiians want the same federal rights as a regular person and being downgraded. The purpose of the bill is to provide a process for the reorganization of the single Native Hawaiian governing entity and the reaffirmation of the special political and legal relationship between the United States and the Native Hawaiian governing entity for purposes of continuing a government-to-government relationship.
            So why did it have to be invented for? Well when the missionaries came in the late 1800's, and they wanted to create a lifestyle for the Hawaiians. Also they wanted to annex Hawaii instead of it being an independent state. So some of the Native Hawaiians objects that decision back then till today. So they made the Akaka Bill for the Native Hawaiians. So a question we would ask someone at the Bishop Museum "How significant was the government change to the Hawaiians?" Also a question would be "What were the actions of the Hawaiians if they didn't like the decision,and what did they do if they did like it?"
             So now I ask myself "Did the missionaries get help from anyone or did they just do it by themselves?" Well the answer to that question I found is that yes they did get any help. They had help from the United States government because when the annexation was sent to Congress for ruling,the Congress said they would. Also they had a group they created which the leaders was Sanford B Dole, and Lorrin Thurston. This wasn't easy for them either. They had to do it secretly because if everyone was to find out the plan from the start their would've been alot of trouble in the islands. But they kept it secretly until they had all the plans figured out and then brought it to the public when the send it for ruling.
             So this is the research I found about how the Akaka Bill was formed and why the Native Hawaiians did when they found out about the annexation. Also I found what really happened on how Hawaii was annexed to the United States.

Outside Reading card

I believe I deserve a 3-. I had all the components I needed and my quote relates to the kind of strict family I have. Also this meets all the standards, but its not really a Wow kind of project.

4 traits of writing

Dear Redwoods,
Ideas:-it doesn't give me a good understanding of why you chose redwoods
          - you should include what the woods looked like,or what made it a wonderful time

Organization:-it really isnt that organized,you may want to put down in order what u guys did in the woods to make it better
                       -it bounces around detail to detail it, it gives me one detail and jumps to another type of detail

Voice:-you put to much repitition into one topic
           -you may want to talk about one topic and write details about that and THEN may a different topic and put details about that

Word choice:-you don't put any sensory details,its really vivid
 -a couple that could be improved are fun,wonderful,sunny,and warm
-you could have put it was a very once in a great while we could be together as a family and do things together



Dear Mouse Alert,
Ideas:-your main idea is clear and consise
-it really shows me visual picture on why you called the story mouse alert

Organization:- it showed me a chronoligical of what happened
-also it didnt bounce around,it went from one topic to the next clearly

Voice:-you knew what the person was talking aboutt
-they werent repetative,they made up new ideas

Word choice:-i really like their choice of words
-they show me what they are talking about not just saying it
-they use a variety of concrete details such asoversized weapon,shrieking,and something bigger than a mouse

Querencia

               Riiiiiing!The first bell had sounded and all the students hurried to class.That is except me and my friends.We all hated school,because we all knew there would be drama during the day.And everyone knew it would someone in our group.And eventually either me or my friend would have to help them out and understand their problem.
                But their was one day when I had a problem of my own.Their was me and my friend Josh, we were walking along the walkway in F building.Then I heard some kid call out "Look at those 2 gay guys!" I then turned back but I couldn't see who said it so I was starting to get pissed off! I started to yell out "Who did this?!" But no one answered! My friend Josh had to me to settle down but I really couldn't, my aderaline was pumping very fast. But then the bell had rung and I had to get to my next class because I had a big test that day.
                  I knew I to calm down, and get my mind straight and focus up.If I had flunk that test my parents would ground me from my phone.So I buckled down and focused up and did my test the best I could do.I completely ignored what had happened at break.That is until lunch, I was going to figure out who had did this. But I never had heard that voice again.
                   But that all changed after school! As I was finally cooled down and walking tothe rec center,I heard that voice again calling out to me.I turned around,dropped my bag and sprinted to where I had heard that voice.But apparently whoever had said it ran off.I was so frustrated and I went to the nearest stairwell I could find and it was F building stairs.I just had to express my feelings no matter if everyone heard. And every since then it is a place I can go to and express my feelings where no one would care.

My Wonderful Place

My Special Place

Where is my special place?

My special place is Moanalua Middle School. I love this place because when I'm frustrated I can always go back to my teacher, Mr.Kaneshiro and he would find a way to cheer me back up.  I love how 8th graders now enjoy when I go back, and give me hugs. It makes me feel appreciated because when I in 7th and 8th grade, I didn't really have a person to look up to. So it really feels nice to know that I can help with people that are younger than me. But if Mr.Kaneshiro wasn't there to help me, I would probably be going to the stairs in the back of the school by F building. No one would go there and it is where I can express my feelings without anyone hearing me. Without Moanalua Middle, I don't think there would anywhere else to help me with my emotions.

Roots And Recipes Rough Draft

               Uhhhhh.... My expression after a long week of school.Longing for the weekend to come already.Wanting to see my family and enjoy a nice dinner with them. Just having the family jokes,games,and stories being told. But what I was really looking forward to was my grandma's ANDAGI!
                As I woke up the next morning at home, I was thinking this day would go by fast, because I had baseball that day! But nope the baseball went by slow, and I was thinking to myself why do this game have to be so boring for! As the hours ticked away, which seemed like forever I was getting more and more anxious to just take someones car and just go and drive there.
                 While I was sitting at home, I tried to make time go by faster by talking to my friends but it apparently didn't work.Now I knew that this would take a while before I left my house in Wahiawa and drive all the way to Kaneohe. But I knew that even if it took the day to leave, I just wanted to be there, enjoying the laughter and fun and especially the ANDAGI!(:
                  Then out of nowhere I here my mom call out "Brayton hurry up we're going!"Get out of bed for the past couple hours and run down the stairs to get into the car.Not paying attention to grab my ipod but thinking nah I rather just go grandmas house already! So on the way to my grandmas house having mixed emotions in me. Waiting patiently but anxious and excited for the delicious taste of the andagi.
                   So we finally pull up into the driveway of my grandmas house. I wanted to just run into the house but my mom called me back to help and take in my brothers diaper bag.So I went back and brought the diaper bag.
                   Finally inside the house,through all the waiting I had to go through.I was looking for the mouth watering andagi on top of the stove but I didnt find it!:( So I was thinking to myself "What?! How can there be no andagi! I waited for this all day! And there is none,what's going on?!" This was so miserable!
                    The next 2 hours we spent talking story and telling each other how our week went. But I was on the computer and my uncle saw all of my friends and started teasing me. So laughter filled the room with happiness and joy! As we ate our dinner,which everyone enjoyed, everyone watched the UH volleyball game. As the game was coming to a close you heard my grandma say "Is everyone ready for dessert?" When I heard that I thought "What possibly could be for dessert and it's not andagi?" But then out of nowhere she pulls out a batch of andagi and I was so enthrilled to see it! I got up and helped her serve it out. But when I got mines I demolished it like it was nothing. And by the time I was finshed I probably had like 5 of them and there were like 8 more extra!So I asked my mom could we take some home. But she told me "Let everyone else hav,you already had like 5." But everyone told her that we could some and I was so thrilled, it was like I never ate dessert in my life.
                      So after that day,I always loved andagi and every summer my grandma makes me some to eat and take home and everyday I eat I cherish the memories I have with the andagi.And everytime when I eat it,I use it a memory when it one of mine and my grandpas favorite dessert because I'm never going to get that chance to eat with him again.

Roots And Recipes Interview Questions

For my Roots and Recipes i will be interviewing my grandma(Carol Yamasaki) My interview is going to be on the 29th of August.




Questions for My Interview!(:
1.What kind of memories does making andagi bring back?
2.Why is andagi so important to you?
3.When was the first time you ever made it?
4.Do u like to make it for fun, or make it only for special occasions?
5.Was this recipe handed down by you, or did you make it up?
6.Is this the most experienced dessert dish u have made?
7.What would happen if u accidently forgot to do one step?
8.Did your parents ever make andagi for you?
9.How did you know you wanted to make andagi?
10.What was the feeling you had when u made your first one?
11.Have you ever felt that it was a waste of time making it?
12.Did u enjoy making,or do u feel forced to make it?

Roots And Recipes

1. What food will you be describing?
The food I will be descibing is the andagi my aunty makes.
2. What are some special memories it has for you?
Some memories it has is when we had parties. Also it brought back memories for when me and my grandpa use to always eat them. [=
3.What are some sensory details that will help bring the food "to life"?
Some sensory details I will use are the taste of the food, what the food looks like, and how my aunty makes it.

4.Who will you be interviewing about your food?
I will be interviewing my aunty.