Uhhhhh.... My expression after a long week of school.Longing for the weekend to come already.Wanting to see my family and enjoy a nice dinner with them. Just having the family jokes,games,and stories being told. But what I was really looking forward to was my grandma's ANDAGI!
As I woke up the next morning at home, I was thinking this day would go by fast, because I had baseball that day! But nope the baseball went by slow, and I was thinking to myself why do this game have to be so boring for! As the hours ticked away, which seemed like forever I was getting more and more anxious to just take someones car and just go and drive there.
While I was sitting at home, I tried to make time go by faster by talking to my friends but it apparently didn't work.Now I knew that this would take a while before I left my house in Wahiawa and drive all the way to Kaneohe. But I knew that even if it took the day to leave, I just wanted to be there, enjoying the laughter and fun and especially the ANDAGI!(:
Then out of nowhere I here my mom call out "Brayton hurry up we're going!"Get out of bed for the past couple hours and run down the stairs to get into the car.Not paying attention to grab my ipod but thinking nah I rather just go grandmas house already! So on the way to my grandmas house having mixed emotions in me. Waiting patiently but anxious and excited for the delicious taste of the andagi.
So we finally pull up into the driveway of my grandmas house. I wanted to just run into the house but my mom called me back to help and take in my brothers diaper bag.So I went back and brought the diaper bag.
Finally inside the house,through all the waiting I had to go through.I was looking for the mouth watering andagi on top of the stove but I didnt find it!:( So I was thinking to myself "What?! How can there be no andagi! I waited for this all day! And there is none,what's going on?!" This was so miserable!
The next 2 hours we spent talking story and telling each other how our week went. But I was on the computer and my uncle saw all of my friends and started teasing me. So laughter filled the room with happiness and joy! As we ate our dinner,which everyone enjoyed, everyone watched the UH volleyball game. As the game was coming to a close you heard my grandma say "Is everyone ready for dessert?" When I heard that I thought "What possibly could be for dessert and it's not andagi?" But then out of nowhere she pulls out a batch of andagi and I was so enthrilled to see it! I got up and helped her serve it out. But when I got mines I demolished it like it was nothing. And by the time I was finshed I probably had like 5 of them and there were like 8 more extra!So I asked my mom could we take some home. But she told me "Let everyone else hav,you already had like 5." But everyone told her that we could some and I was so thrilled, it was like I never ate dessert in my life.
So after that day,I always loved andagi and every summer my grandma makes me some to eat and take home and everyday I eat I cherish the memories I have with the andagi.And everytime when I eat it,I use it a memory when it one of mine and my grandpas favorite dessert because I'm never going to get that chance to eat with him again.
nice essay brayton. I really liked the part were you ate five andagi and you still wanted the eight extra. It waas also nice to read the part were you get tricked by your uncles into no andagi. If i could make one suggestion could you watch out for the grammar i am pretty sure mrs.sueoka is watching that too.
ReplyDeleteNice job Brayton! I enjoyed reading your essay, you did really well on adding sensory details to things and also being descriptive in every step of events that took place. Although, I think you should really look into typing more sophisticatedly because it helps the readers have a better understanding and and easier time to follow on to your story. You had only a couple of grammatical errors but not too severe. Over all, your essay was great, it shows you put a lot of effort into it! :) Keep up the good work!!!!
ReplyDeleteHi Brayton,
ReplyDeleteI guess you really like andagi ;> Your voice and affection for your grandparents comes through in your writing.
Here's what I'd recommend for the revision: Try to focus a bit more on the andagi and your grandparents. A lot of the essay is spent on detailing the wait for the dessert...It's okay to include some of it, because it shows how much you like it. But you need to spend more time describing your grandma and how she makes the dish...and perhaps also including some details about your grandpa...you mention that you won't get the chance to eat with him again, so I'm assuming he's passed away? Those details would give depth to your essay.
Let me know if you have questions.
mrs s