Dear Redwoods,
Ideas:-it doesn't give me a good understanding of why you chose redwoods
- you should include what the woods looked like,or what made it a wonderful time
Organization:-it really isnt that organized,you may want to put down in order what u guys did in the woods to make it better
-it bounces around detail to detail it, it gives me one detail and jumps to another type of detail
Voice:-you put to much repitition into one topic
-you may want to talk about one topic and write details about that and THEN may a different topic and put details about that
Word choice:-you don't put any sensory details,its really vivid
-a couple that could be improved are fun,wonderful,sunny,and warm
-you could have put it was a very once in a great while we could be together as a family and do things together
Dear Mouse Alert,
Ideas:-your main idea is clear and consise
-it really shows me visual picture on why you called the story mouse alert
Organization:- it showed me a chronoligical of what happened
-also it didnt bounce around,it went from one topic to the next clearly
Voice:-you knew what the person was talking aboutt
-they werent repetative,they made up new ideas
Word choice:-i really like their choice of words
-they show me what they are talking about not just saying it
-they use a variety of concrete details such asoversized weapon,shrieking,and something bigger than a mouse
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