Dear AT&T Administrations
My family and I have been well been more than satisfied customers for the past 3 years. You have given us amazing phones such as the iPhone 4, View, and others we have been accustomed now to rely on you more and more for new and improving phones. The iPhone 4 has been a sure upgrade from our phones that we got from Verizon, not to mention such the high quality of performance we get out of it.
However, we have had some problems over the past couple months we have experienced problems where our phone service has dropped resulting in missed calls, missed texts, and not being able to go on the internet when it is needed. I have tried two different phones within the past 2 years, which was the iPhone 4, and the View, and it happened to both phones. But at first I believe that it wasn’t a problem with the View as it happened only a few times. But with the iPhone 4 which I got on October 17th it has happened about 10 times, most recently in the past week (November 7-11) where my phone has dropped service and I had to restart it and when I had restarted it, it showed that I had a missed call, along with 4 unread text messages.
Also, I think that with the amount that we are paying for our bill as of now, which is $110 a month, I believe that we deserve the best, complete service that we don’t have to deal with dropped and missed call, missed text messages that are important, and having to restart our phones just for it to work..
Through all of these troubles in the past 2 years, we have had a lot of good assistants giving us helpful tips on what would we should do when it occurs. The assistances were as nice as they come, and very knowledgeable about their technology, I do not feel it is the phone or the assistance advice that is causing the phone to all of a sudden lose signal as it has happened numerous times.
I do not have any problems on your policies and what you can do with your phone as they are the best of the best, but I do feel that you guys should consider maybe updating or maybe even changing your signal technology that can assure everyone a good experience with their phones.
Sincerely,
Brayton Sakai
Hi Brayton!
ReplyDeleteGood job on your draft.
But, in your first paragraph, "You have given us amazing phones such as the iPhone 4, View, and others we have been accustomed now to rely on you more and more for new and improving phones. " --is a bit confusing. It sort of becomes a run on sentence, and you have to watch out for those! My suggestion would be to separate it. For ex, you could say "You have given us amazing phones such as the iPhone 4, View, and others that we have become accustomed to. We now rely on you..." Or something of the sort.
Also, I like how you gave detail for your 2nd paragraph. You could make it even stronger by adding a personal experience, if you can think of one, where their dropped messages/calls caused you harm. I think it would have a stronger effect. :)
In addition, you should re-read your ending. It is a bit confusing (especially if you read it out loud). Perhaps you could find a better substitute for "..and what you can do with your phone.."
Overall, your letter was straight to the point, and filled with details :)
-Leah
Hey!
ReplyDeleteNice job on your letter. Uhm, you should re read your first paragraph, it was kind of confusing for me to understand. I like how you were very specific in your paragraphs. I liked how you explained what your problems were. And giving some details about it. I also like that you were straight forward with your argument. You did good. Oh, and for your last paragraph, you should try and fix your sentencing, it doesn't make sense. As what Leah said. You did pretty well. Good job.