I am like an arcade
Choosing where the ball will land,
Always being unpredictable.
Playing basketball shooting,
and trying to be the best.
Take a spin on the wheel of fortune,
as I go round and round and make you dizzy.
Tower game mixing your emotions,
as showing your ups and downs.
Going to trivia questions,
seeing how much you know about life.
Playing skeeball,
and trying to shoot for the highest number.
To dropping the claw for the prize,
like aiming for the person you want to be.
hey brayton, I think your comparisons(metaphors) are very compatible. I think your best ones are the "Trivia questions...being how much people know about your life" and the "dropping the claw....like aiming for the person you want to be". I think you could adjust the part where it says "Choosing where the ball will land" because i don't understand how that is connected in your life. It isn't clear. so maybe try making it sound like a metaphor.
ReplyDeleteI think your metaphor poem was good overall and I think that comparing yourself to the different games was well thought out. Most of your comparisons matched however some didn't really make sense like when you compared yourself to the "wheel of fortune" and the "choosing where the ball will land" because they don't really compare to your life. Though the last three comparisons were very good.
ReplyDeleteHi Brayton,
ReplyDeleteI agree with your teammates that you've done a nice job on this metaphor.
And I agree that it was a good idea to describe a variety of arcade games in the poem.
The part that needs revision, however, is the shift in the second half of the poem. You start from the perspective of the arcade games...that's effective because that's what you are comparing yourself to.
But midway, you shift to the perspective of the person playing the game "shoot for the highest number." Keep the perspective of the game since that is your metaphor.
let me know if you have questions.
mrs s