Life can be like a strident
3 way dagger.
Stap you one time
and another
and when you thought it would stop
it staps you again.
But you have to pick yourslf up,
you can't be greedy
you have to grind it out.
You can't have anger towards others,
you have to it take it upon yourself.
And you can't abandon those you love,
You have to embrace them.
So when life gets tough,
make smart choices
your own hope
your own motivation
your own determination.
But at the very least show to the world
that you won't go down without a fight.
Hi Brayton! :)
ReplyDeleteI like how your poem flows from encountering a problem, then getting through it..you know, that whole conflict resolution thing :P
However, I think you need to connect yourself to Perseus more. Maybe doing a little more research on him would help! (Just letting you know that I saw a picture a sculpture of Perseus and he had a sword)
Be sure that you make more than one reference to your allusion so that the reader can have the "aha!" moment where they can connect your poem to your character.
Also, for the second stanza, I think your repetition could be made stronger if you put "But" as the first line and start the second with "You have to pick.." and maybe eliminate the "And" in "And you can't abandon those you love" so it'll match the previous pattern.
I like the ending though! It's strong, and can be related to Perseus.
-Leah :)
Heeeey Brayton.
ReplyDeleteUhhh I think you should proofread this because you have some incorrect spelling. For example, I think the word " stap " should be " stab ". You could find other things that could relate to your allusion. I think you should write more about how you relate to Perseus. You could fix your poem so it could all be like a pattern. Uhhh overall, it's a good poem! :D Good job.
Hi Brayton,
ReplyDeletehmmm....I must've forgotten...I was under the impression that your allusion was going to Neptune, hence the three way dagger..the trident.
Whichever your comparison, you need to make it more specific, through more descriptive detail. It needs to be more specific about your allusion and it also needs to be more specific about your own life.
LMK if you have questions.
mrs s